Thursday, 1 April 2010

Dusting off the cobwebs

No, dear readers, I don't mean from Zoe's tuppence. I mean from the Blog!

Well - where on earth do I start? For the benefit of those not au fait with me, allow me to (re)introduce myself!

The name's Milady and I'm 40 39 plus inflation and I'm an academic at a backwater university in the UK working in the field of Something Scientific. In 2005 I started a blog (Chez Milady, mark 1) which was rather popular with people who liked my foul language and failed lovelife. A couple of years later, after someone I'd been banged-out by worked out it was me who was blogging about their small penis, I deleted the blog and vanished into the ether. In 2008 I came back (Milady Is A Tramp), briefly, but I ran away again because my Real World Life was hideously busy, I didn't have time to blog and I just stopped. But now I'm back again.

Why? I have no idea to be honest. I just am. So much has changed in the last 18 months since I last posted anything - I'm now a homeowner and a proper grown-up. Part of the reason I stopped blogging back in 2008 was that I entered into a rather serious and proper relationship which was so bloody awfully mundane that I had nothing to write about. It was nice but it was too boring and comfortable and yes - he was hung like a baby rhino - but he was so utterly sweet and kind and boring and I realised a year down the line that I wasn't myself anymore. I'd become...(almost) someone's wife...and I just wasn't ready. So I dusted off my saucy undergarments and got back out there!

I'm not sure how long I'll keep it up this time - but it does feel marvelous to be back!

Thursday, 11 September 2008

More stuff and nonsense...

I seldom champion the cause of the Gangsta Rapper (my un-PC friend says that they sing "co*n tunes", which I think is an hilarious term!*). Today, however, I champion the cause of one Kayne West. I think the photographer got off lightly. Take my photo without asking, I'll break more than your camera.
* I am not, repeat, not racist. I'm just very politically incorrect. I think "Co*n tunes", "Bog w*g", "P*ki shop" etc are all perfectly ok. I'm allowed to say them, just as any Tom, Dick or Gunga-Din is allowed to call me a red-haired, slatternly old cum-dump.

Saturday, 6 September 2008

Still not right

I'm still not back to "normal" (whatever that was).

Hope it all goes away soon.

In other news, Aunty Flow is late. BOLLOCKS!
PS: I'm not up the spout, I can guarantee that! Chance'd be a fine thing...

Monday, 1 September 2008

Jane Mansfield's Balls

I'm not a well woman. My shit's like cakemix and smells like dead people.

I've been sick down myself twice this evening and the second time it came out of my nose.


Friday, 29 August 2008

Get a fucking life...

Some people clearly can't cope with life. They get upset by popcorn. They need to get a fucking life. If you want to watch a movie in utter silence, wait for the DVD or book-out the cinema, don't watch it in public. The cunts who do things like this are the same ones who don't like you drinking alcohol in public and try to ban it on the London Underground (as if that's actually stopping anyone! How can you tell someone sipping Coke from a bottle from someone sipping Bacardi-and-Coke? Absurd and a waste of tax payer's money) or get arsey if someone's dropping litter in one of the maaaaany places in the UK which has no public litter bins (due to terrorist threat, although why anyone would put a bomb in a bin when they could just as easily hide it just about anywhere else...).

Monday, 25 August 2008

Mea culpa

I'm far too busy to write anything funny, I've got guinea pigs to look after and they are fantastic. I want to be one when I grow up.

Tuesday, 19 August 2008

Get your tits out for the patatvreters

Do like Zoe and I have done and get your boobs out for Belgium!

First to correctly guess my top-bollocks gets a prize.

Any gentlemen wishing to get their cocks out for comedy value, e-mail them to me at