Thursday, 11 September 2008

More stuff and nonsense...

I seldom champion the cause of the Gangsta Rapper (my un-PC friend says that they sing "co*n tunes", which I think is an hilarious term!*). Today, however, I champion the cause of one Kayne West. I think the photographer got off lightly. Take my photo without asking, I'll break more than your camera.
* I am not, repeat, not racist. I'm just very politically incorrect. I think "Co*n tunes", "Bog w*g", "P*ki shop" etc are all perfectly ok. I'm allowed to say them, just as any Tom, Dick or Gunga-Din is allowed to call me a red-haired, slatternly old cum-dump.

Saturday, 6 September 2008

Still not right

I'm still not back to "normal" (whatever that was).

Hope it all goes away soon.

In other news, Aunty Flow is late. BOLLOCKS!
PS: I'm not up the spout, I can guarantee that! Chance'd be a fine thing...

Monday, 1 September 2008

Jane Mansfield's Balls

I'm not a well woman. My shit's like cakemix and smells like dead people.

I've been sick down myself twice this evening and the second time it came out of my nose.


Friday, 29 August 2008

Get a fucking life...

Some people clearly can't cope with life. They get upset by popcorn. They need to get a fucking life. If you want to watch a movie in utter silence, wait for the DVD or book-out the cinema, don't watch it in public. The cunts who do things like this are the same ones who don't like you drinking alcohol in public and try to ban it on the London Underground (as if that's actually stopping anyone! How can you tell someone sipping Coke from a bottle from someone sipping Bacardi-and-Coke? Absurd and a waste of tax payer's money) or get arsey if someone's dropping litter in one of the maaaaany places in the UK which has no public litter bins (due to terrorist threat, although why anyone would put a bomb in a bin when they could just as easily hide it just about anywhere else...).

Monday, 25 August 2008

Mea culpa

I'm far too busy to write anything funny, I've got guinea pigs to look after and they are fantastic. I want to be one when I grow up.

Tuesday, 19 August 2008

Get your tits out for the patatvreters

Do like Zoe and I have done and get your boobs out for Belgium!

First to correctly guess my top-bollocks gets a prize.

Any gentlemen wishing to get their cocks out for comedy value, e-mail them to me at


Saturday, 16 August 2008

Of shits and stupors

I'm on a diet. Well, not a proper diet, I'm just trying to eat less junk and more things which are good for me. I've gone a bit 1980s and gone on the high-fibre, so that's lead to some rather impressive poo.

T'other night out was a bit strange. The Cunt was back to his good old self and I don't think we managed to say more than 5 words to eachother all night. I texted him the next day to see if anything was wrong but I've heard nothing since. I cannot be arsed to worry about him, I've bigger and more important things to care about and if he wants to play silly buggers then he can go and do it with someone else.

I've drunk far too much beer this week. I've had some fantasticly strange dreams due to alcohol. I must try and not drink next week, give my liver a rest...

The fish aren't very exciting but they do seem to like me and haven't tried to bite me yet. Guinea pigs next week. Can't wait!

Thursday, 14 August 2008

Waifs and strays...

I'm adopting some goldfish in a minute. A man's bringing them over in a Tupperware. I've got them for 3 weeks - oh the responsibility! I do hope they're rather plain-looking and easily replaced if I kill one accidentally. I've got some guinea pigs coming next week, which I've got for 1 week. I'm looking forward to them - they're the most bone-idle animals on the planet and I think they're fabulous.

I've been "working from home" today, which means I got up at 11am and got dressed at 2pm. I've watched Cash in the Attic and eaten a big stack of toast and then I went for coffee with a friend and pretended we were ladies who lunch for an hour. I went out sans earings again - shockingly scandalous AND I didn't have any tights on. Mainly because I was wearing jeans but still... I've done no work at all but the best thing about academia is that you can "work from home" at lot (i.e. skive) and you can come and go as you please, as long as you remember to turn up to lectures you are giving and meetings you're meant to be at and you always reply to emails very quickly - this is what Blackberrys were designed for - allowing academics to stay in bed but still answer urgent emails.

I've got a cold on the way but I'm going out with the gals from the typing pool later on (one of them is leaving us for colder climes - Scotland of all places). I'm to have one pint and one alone and I'm not allowed to be drunk. The Cunt is likely to be coming out too, which will be nice, as I've not spoken to him properly in a week or two. Hopefully he'll buy me a drink - which means I'm allowed two pints, because it's always rude to refuse a gift.

Tuesday, 12 August 2008

The charity of friends

I've just been treated this evening to a really rather lovely supper with some friends I already knew and friends I didn't know yet but who are friends now. She cooked a stonkly massive chickpea and potato curry and He was in charge of naans. We didn't have wine, we had water (NB: This is a good thing as I had a hangover this morning and was sick in the bogs at work. Twice) and it was all very civilised but lovely conversation and it was nice to be around a group of people in a scenario where one doesn't need to make an effort (it was in their kitchen, not their dining room and not all of the plates matched and the cat kept coming in and out of the room and I had no earings in). They're a lovely couple - She's a Research Technician I've gotten to know through necessity over the last year (as she's very highly skilled and her boss is useless) and He is a maths teacher. They're both Evangelists and it turned out that their main purpose in feeding us (there were 4 of us, 2 male, 2 female) was not to feed us or match-make or to convert us. Turns out, they're not praying for my mortal soul (which I sold many years ago) but were just being nice. Such a rare thing thesedays. Someone being nice without an ulterior motive. Someone giving you a nice curry and not asking for anything in return - not even help with the washing up. The four guests were drawn from different walks of life. Two of us were scientists and we already knew one another (he's a protein chemist, we know one another academically as we've worked together before now, albeit moons ago) and the other two were an admin assistant and a physics teacher (sinfully handsome, lovely body, married...and gay...oh well...always the way I find - all the men I fall for are either married or gay - this time, they're both). I was there because I live alone and apparently could do with not having to cook for one as "nothing's so depressing" (fair point). Other Scientist was there because he's going through a messy divorce and "needs people around him" (never a truer word spoke). Physics Teacher was there because his partner is working abroad teaching English this summer and he "doesn't know what to do with himself" (I'm sure he's fine but how thoughtful) and Admin Assistant was there because they've been "meaning to have her round for supper for some time" (and I'm glad they did - she's very sweet). She knows me from work, ditto Other Scientist. He knows Physics Teacher from work. They know Admin Assistant from Church. It was a nice evening and a fun time was had by all. I was most suprised that I enjoyed myself so much, I have to say.
PS: By the way, isn't All Summer Long by Kid Rock just brilliant? I love it!

Saturday, 9 August 2008

Hot chocolate in the warm rain

I had a lovely walk in the rain earlier on. I didn't intend to. I popped to the shops because I needed some bread (I have that one with extra added fibre, because it keeps me regular) and whatnot. I decided to avoid the p***shop and to walk to Sainsbury's, which is a bit of a hike, but the weather didn't look too bad. Having made my procurements (I had to have bread with sunflower seeds and things in it as the high-fibre one was out-of-stock. It might make me do a poo like a sticklebrick with sharp edges, so I'm a bit worried now), I got myself a hot chocolate from Starbucks and set off home - only to be caught in a downpour with only my cardigan for protection. Resigned to being soaked, I walked home, got soaked to the skin but listened to very loud music on my iPod Touch and had a lovely time.

I do like iPods (et al.) because the headphones alone afford one a bit of privacy. They're also good in shops if you turn the music off but keep the headphones in, you can listen in on peoples' converstations and they haven't a clue. The downside, of course, is when you're walking down the street with loud music on and you need to trump, it sometimes comes out really rather loud but you don't realise and people stare at you...


Thursday, 7 August 2008

Argh fuck

I'm absolutely wankered ad ti's a school night




Tuesday, 5 August 2008

Back in the habit

No, I'm not going to become a nun again, don't worry!

Getting back into the habit of Blogging again is already a bit strange. Ditto going onto Facebook as "not-the-real-me" (as, of course, just like most people, the real me has a Facebook account, just like the fake me). Such a faff logging off and logging back on again. Ditto with Gmail. Oh well...if I will choose to blog incognita then it's my own sodding fault, right?

It's pissed it down here all day and I got drenched because I didn't take an umberella to work with me. Again, my own sodding fault, right?

I don't have anything interesting to report, probably because I'm on the blob. Not my own sodding fault - damn you, Eve!!!

Monday, 4 August 2008

New beginnings

She's saucy and she's naughty and she's back

That's what the old trout Zoe says and yes, she's right on all three counts, bless her. I must say it's very nice being back in the Blogsphere again - so nice to have someone to "talk" to when I feel like having a rant or saying something utterly filthy without fear of offending anyone real. Many things have changed since last time I was here - a lot of water under the bridge and a few men under the patio. I've moved house, changed jobs, lost 9lbs and experimented with Botox and I can tell you that all of the above have had a wonderful effect on me!

It's going to take me a while to get back up to speed - this new Blogger interface wasn't here when I left, for a start! I'd like to get back some of my old pages via the Way Back Machine and get my FAQ back together, not to mention my old background logo type thingy.

In the meantime, a few catch ups re: people from my life who you may recall from before the Fall (as though I'm Eve! Ha! Though I have commit terrible sins with fruit in my time, but no apples...yet...). First up, The Cunt, so lovingly named ex-boyfriend of mine who screwed me over royally and sent me to Prozac Hell. He and I have finally made peace. At long, long last. It took almost 2 years but we managed it. So much has changed for the both of us and we're actually now really rather good friends. I blame BPD on his part, and he thinks it's a likely candidate too, for his shocking way of treating women/everyone in the past. We're now very good pals indeed and we've both been dating other people and have not had a single inside-the-pants type accident in the last 6 months during which we have become friends again. We're still living in the same general area, though he's fleeing to the USA to work in NYC as of October so I wish him all the very best at starting a new life out there. It's not going to be easy for him but, it will mean I have someone to stay with when I'm in Manhattan :O)

Any shagging lately? Alas not this week - my mott is up on blocks.

Saturday, 2 August 2008

Milady ist zurück!

Right then, time to get this show on the road again. The bottom line is - I'm back!

After 2+ years of blogging at "Chez Milady" I gave it all up following a scandalette in which someone I'd been rogering and blogging about read it and then people started to know who I was so I deleted the lot before something horrific like losing my job happened...

...well, I've come back now, from the Schattenreich and so much has changed. So many new things to tell you all about - but I'll save that for later. The most important thing is that I'm back!